Don't know what am i gonna write. but i really wanna write something now. sometimes i was thinking how my life can be so badly for me at this time. okey forget about love life, i don't even wanna talking about that, cause i don't even feel that for a long time again. don't know why, it just can't. how about my friendship? hem i'm sure enough that i will can't trust in anyone again for a long time, cause some of them really makes me dissapointed. i'm seventeen now and don't know how my friend could be so mean, lately i come home crying hoping for a little hug but there's no one. just felt lucky cause i have an excellent father. his strength is make me stronger. i've tried to do the best for all of them, is it wrong? maybe they just don't know it. maybe some of them only judge me with a cover, please do not. how do i look? they don't even try to look inside of me, don't really see what in my heart what in my mind what i really do exactly, that i am really sincere. yes, they don't know me at all, really don't know. i've often tried to budge but they don't even appreciate that, in fact i lost both of it. loosing you, always. it is really hurted me. i was crying but i don't show it again like before, cause you know i don't even can crying outloud, it just inside of me, keep strong, how poor i am. i don't know who i'm gonna talk now. but really, honestly i wanna have someone again, i miss to be loved by someone else who i loves too, like everyone can do that again right now, i feel left behind alone, so lonely. and i miss hanging out together again with my best friend, i wanna trust again but it just feel so hard, i feel so empty. i guess i keep run and run. you know i feel like God smiles on my little brother, inside and out, he's better than i am. but would you please do that for me too? would you please give me a miracle now, would you please give a little smile for me? someone for me cause i really need somebody beside me when i'm growing older to watch me shine or to shining on me. just a little spirit, confidence and courage to step forward now. cause i really need that now. i can change my hair my clothes my mind even the way i say hello, but would it change everything? ya sometimes i miss all of them, i miss you, friend. but i won't say, i am afraid to be hurt, to be dissapointed again. i really wanna pray but i hate to accept that God maybe not give back everthing and now i really really totaly broke. no one know that? oke cause i crying now...
