I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. It’s like hanging with something don’t want you hang with. Like a bird with a broken wings. Like a rain that always fall in the same place. Like a paper without no pen. Or maybe a girl who lost and stuck in her dreams.
Oh wait, I will not let you think that I am writing this with a tear drops from my eyes or with a cut on my hand. Absolutely NO! I am writing this in my bed room, on my favorite mattress, on my two pillow while I eat a delicious maccaroni and banana, then a laptop on my top (Ssst I haven’t take a bath! LOL). Something that I wanna talking about is what everyone called “L-O-V-E”. But not a love like Romeo and Juliet, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Twilight oh No! This is a love that we can see everyday or maybe what we feel, happy, sad, wishing, hopeless, accepting, declining, broke, crying, and anything like that. A specific thing is maybe like Adele said “You’ll never know if you never try to forgive your past and simply be mine” or “I know it ain’t easy givin up your heart. Nobody’s perfect” even a strong girl like Avril Lavigne can said in her song “Damn, damn, damn, what I do to have you here, here, here” yeah something like that.
If you not know me, I guess you don’t have to. Cause right know I don’t even know who I am. Sometimes I saw my twitter timeline just for tryin to know who I am or what I really want? I said to someone that “I guess you feel the same way with me. Same pain. Same regret. Feel lonely. The differences is only you feel it for another girl and i felt it for you. But it’s okay you will pay for every tears. Cause the important thing is finally you know how it feels like and I don’t feel it any longer”. Well, in the end I am a liar. Yes I am glad you know how it feels like, how it feels like to be in my position. But I am sad to see you waitin for another girl. I am sad that another girl had made you like that and I am not. I am sad for your sad. I do hate the girl, not because you loves her but because she makes you sad. I want to see you happy with her, but deeply in my heart I wish it was me. Am I wrong?
When you text me, I was said a thing that I don’t really want to say. Cause I really don’t know what to say to reply you when you text me, even a little thing. If I meet you, guess I will do the same too. I will not really know what I am saying or what I wanna do. Cause what I wanna say is “here is” and what I wanna do just already do, be with you. And maybe I want to know how it feels like to kiss you for the first time. To kiss a guy, for the first time. I know I was wrong at the first time, had broke our relationship, but you don’t have any idea how hurt the things you do to me. There are a miss understanding, all you need to know is just it was for you, even I am wrong. If you just ask my friends you will know how bored they are to heard your name from me, even they don’t know you. Feels like I still be with you and know you more than anyone.
What do you think about the girl who was waiting for a guy more than 2 years? Stupid? Absolutely YES! But it’s too stupid who become a guy who said to the girl that she was a drama queen. Helloooooooooooooo! You think I’m an actor ha? Hey you there “Are you that stupid to said that? Do you think I wanna be like this? You stupid!”.
I read an article, there are three types of reverenge. I think I like a constructif reverenge. That is a reverenge who makes you want to become a better person from now with a purpose that your ex do regret for leaving you. I have do that. I was tried to be a better person, I promised that I will be a girl who can make you regret to vain me. So I was studied to got a University that you really want and I want too, and I got that. I want to make you see or hear me, so I was joined a competition and be one of the finalist, so you can see me in the magazine or you can hear me in the radio. I’ve made a song and record it well, so you can listen and know what you mean to me. Just wish you can turn around on me. But none of them which make me feel the real happiness. I am selfish. I am too naive, I know that. I am scared that everyone will lookin someone just from their pretty faces, smart, or maybe rich. But the truth is I am one of them who was thinking like that. I think like that but I don’t mean it. The situation had made me think like that. I’ve stuck for so long. And I always tryin to be a better girl and a better girl but I guess it will never work. Cause I realize that how much good the person is not important if you’re not love him/her. Cause I feel it to another guy. I was stuck in one shadow. You.
Dear friends, I always want to be a person that can be a good friends with a humor taste. But maybe I wasn’t. Mom, Dad and my friends said I am a childish, but that’s who really I am, I can be adult too sometimes. I don’t even know how to response sometimes, I don’t want to look arrogant, but sometimes people was so wrong to definite it as an arrogant. The truth is I loves all of my best friends and hope they do the same thing too.
I heard in the radio there was a girl same like me that wait for three years even a guy that she loves has a girlfriend, and the announcer said “It’s okay, there is no problem with waiting someone for that long. There is no problem with the time. Three years, four years, or even a ten years. But you will lost a direction. And it’s vain. It will make another regret for wasting your time” And I agree with him. So all I try now is open my eyes and my heart, I wish someday I will find someone who can complete me, even it is not you. Hug me when I am happy or sad. Stand by me. Don’t worry tomorrow I will be fine, it is just need more time. It is just a process. I still thinking about you but I already can let it go.
Our relationship it’s not that long, but the story is too long in my mind. Sometimes when my dad or mom ask me “You are not goin out with your boyfriend?” Should I answer “Mom Dad I was stuck with one guy, but he’s not loving me anymore, so I won’t go out with another guy this time”...... I guess that’s not a good idea. Lol.
I just wonderin if you can tell me what you feel, it’s okay if you’re not loving me anymore. You have someone who will always wanna help you. Me. Cause maybe that was the only reason why I can’t really forget you, cause I never heard from your lips what you really think and what do you think I should do, forget, stay, wait, or just leave. I think if you are already say that, face to face, I can be free again. Kindly please. How can you be happy when you make someone being unhappy because of you. So, I just want to know what you feel after all this time. I drew the happy faces.
God only knows why it is takin me so long. I know everyone have a guidance with a different way to be an adult and maybe this is my way. I just really hope “God please let me find my real happiness”. Regret is pain, regret is too late, regret is always like that. But don’t worry, regret will give you the best lesson. Regret is the best lesson.
So girl I just wanna say if there are someone feels like what I feel, don’t worry it will be fine, let’s the time find our happiness. Cause now I can write this with a smile faces. Drew the happy faces.
To be continue.....
